Big Red

President Barack Obama met Chinese President Hu Jintao for the first time Wednesday, prior to the pivotal G20 summit commencing today. Hu reportedly made reassuring noises to the US president about Chinese resolve to close the massive trade gap between the two countries.



"Ching chong bing bong," the Chinese president told Obama, "Ringa ringa ding dong."

For his part, the US president said his government will do what is possible to prevent the dollar from falling below the value of a single sheet of toilet paper.

"Sunshine, butterflies, baby smell," Mr. Obama detailed, "Puffy clouds and rainbows. Strawberry milkshake."

The two then shared an eggroll.

A Hard Sell

While an alarming number of people the world over seem ready to write the obituary for capitalism, our President goes to the G20 summit Tuesday trying to re-brand America as the leader of the global economy. Look at what we're doing, he wants to say, Get behind us. We've put our house in order. We've totallly blown our wad trying to spend our way out of this crisis, and now we're asking foreign powers to do the same.

Signs are not good. In the wake of the nation's banking collapse, world markets have plunged. Germany, Europe's largest and most solvent economy, has already committed a tremendous share of its GDP to meet charter obligations to bailout struggling EU member states. The trouble for Germany is that they are beset by profligate members France and the United Kingdom on one side, and formerly communist Eastern Europe on the other. The pressure for a yet bigger budget to further redistribute wealth across the continent has Spanish finance minister Pedro Solbes joining German Chancellor Angela Merkel in saying fuck no to a British proposal for a "global New Deal".

Barack, it's time to turn on the charm, brother.